April Fool’s Day

I seriously think the media is punking us. Here are some of today’s news stories:

Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA) is worried that the tiny island nation of Guam is going to tip over into the sea if the population becomes too dense.

In a discussion regarding a planned military buildup on the Pacific island, Johnson expressed some concerns about the plans to Adm. Robert Willard, head of the U.S. Pacific fleet.

“My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize,” Johnson said. Willard paused and replied, “We don’t anticipate that.”

The President of the United States is selling t-shirts, which is sort of weird on it’s own, but I could totally see if it were to raise money for Haiti or something. The money’s not going to Haiti though. It’s going to Barack Obama. Oh yeah, the shirts say “BFD” in big bold letters. Yup. Ladies and gents, the leaders of the free world are selling t-shirts that glamorize swearing. To me, that’s a Big F***ing Deal.

Meredith Vierra tried to stretch a story so far that I think she may have pulled a hamstring. On today’s Today show, she asked Senator Jim DeMint if he would condemn the atrocious language of the tea partiers that want to burn Nancy Pelosi at the stake. Huh? Ok, here’s the thinking. Someone at a tea party waved a broom at Ms. Pelosi and said, “Sweep the bums out of Washington!” So obviously he’s calling Nancy Pelosi a witch. And witches must be burned at the stake.

A woman got evicted from her apartment over some peeps.

The Enron scandal has been made into a Broadway musical.

Ronald McDonald has been called upon to retire, because “he is no friend to our children our their health.”

I don’t know about you, but I keep hoping to see Ashton Kutcher. Because if all the above stories are accurate, then we’ve got bigger problems than being punked.