Janet Napolitano: Combating Terrorism via the Internet

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano wants to read your email. Apparently the “right to privacy” only exists between a woman and her abortion provider. Although it’s probably unfair to say that Ms. Napolitano personally wants to read your email.

It’s much more likely that she wants to set up a few new governmentagencies, hire thousands of people on the taxpayers’ dime (don’t forget about those bloated government pensions!), and have themread your email. So it might be a moot point anyway, since we all know how effective government agencies are — been to the DMV lately?

Why does Ms. Napolitano want to read your email? To fightterrorism, of course! How silly to even ask. It turns out that terrorists like to communicate with one another via Internet communications. The panty-bomber, the Fort Hood shooter, and Jihad Jane are all big fans of Internet communications.

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Dick Cheney

Continued from here:

Dick Cheney walked onstage to thunderous applause.  He has become a loud voice for national security ever since our President appointed Janet the-system-works Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security.  You know, because he actually likes America, is proud to be an American, and wants to keep America around for a few more generations.

He said that when Liz asked him for advice on what to say, as she usually does before a speaking engagement (smart girl, I do the same thing with my dad) he mentioned that he’d like to attend CPAC with her.  “Ok,” she said, “But only as arm candy.”

Vice President Cheney said that he enjoys CPAC because it keeps conservatism and its fundamental principles alive.  He also said that he’s encouraged by recent conservative developments in Virginia, New Jersey, and Massachusetts, and that he expects to see more in the novemeber elections.

2010 is going to be a phenomenal year.

Dick Cheney said so.

Joe Biden: More Entertaining than a Circus Clown

Our VP can always be counted on to say the most insane things at the most bizarre times.  He did not dissapoint last night on Larry King.  Let me share with you some of the gems he dropped.

Regarding airplane attacks by Muslim extremists:

“I think what you’re seeing morphing here – and it’s a concern to us – is you’ll see the concern relates to somebody like a shoe bomber or the underpants bomber, the Christmas attack or someone just strapping a backpack on them with weapons that are indigenous and blowing up, you know, walking into in airport…I think there are going to be attempts.”  Biden also insisted that the Obama administration, which ordered a review of security and terrorism procedures after the Christmas Day incident, is prepared to deal with such attempts. “I’ve been really impressed with the success we’ve had, building on the last administration, in dealing with these.”

Hmm… I feel safe now.  Especially since the head of Homeland Security thinks the system works, but just in case it doesn’t, let’s steal pillows from toddlers during the last 90 minutes of all flights.

Regarding that three-letter word JOBS:

“I think now the jobs bill, I think, will be probably less than is needed initially, but it will be very helpful…by the spring, I think people are going to begin to have more confidence in the policies we’ve put in place.”

Is this the same Jobs Bill that extends unemployment benefits?  Why don’t they just go ahead and call it a “don’t bother looking for work because we’re going to pay you even longer to sit at home heckling the *rich* people providing for your existence”?  Too long?  Bummer.

Regarding Iraq:

“I am very optimistic about Iraq. I mean, this could be one of the great achievements of this administration…You’re going to see 90,000 American troops come marching home by the end of the summer.”

So he’s optimistic about having the troops home, not about Iraq or our own national security.  When the US leaves, the fledgling democracy in Iraq will most likely crumble to the extremists, and we’ll see all sorts of lovely new terrorist cells plotting the destruction of the US.  Perfect.

Regarding Sarah Palin (this by far is my favorite):

“I like her…She’s an engaging person. She has a great personality. I don’t agree with what she says and I think some of the things she says are not – well…Well, you know, it’s sort of like – some of the comments made are just so far out there, I just don’t know where they come from.”

Seriously Joe? Maybe you could explain some of your comments before you go ripping into Sarah Palin for her far-out comments.