Back to Political Commentary? Sure, Why Not?

Months and months ago, when I was going through the emotional throes of holy crap I think my marriage is over and what the eff am I supposed to do about that, a friend said to me, “Can you please make a decision so you can get back to snarky political commentary? In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s quite a bit going on.”

Whatever. The president said they were all phony scandals, so he must be right or I’m a racist. Pfffttt.

Last fall when I was on the Romney campaign, we weren’t really allowed to tweet. Well, we could but we couldn’t. Sometimes except certain times. Only if it was a good tweet, but not too good. Never on Tuesdays or after dark. Unless there was a debate. In other words, the tweeting policy was clear as mud.

Because nothing says Voter Engagement like reclusiveness.

I finally gave up trying after I was chastised for tweeting, “Lady smarts > lady parts.” Yes, I cried, because I’m a TOTAL PROFESSIONAL. Seriously though, if I couldn’t win with that tweet, then the whole thing just seemed hopeless. I should’ve known right then that we were going to lose.

Anyway, I was talking to Justin, one of my favorite friends in the Boston trenches with me about it, and said that once the campaign was over I wanted to go back to commentary. “I think my first tweet after the campaign shall be, ‘I’m back, bitches.’”

Then he blushed because he’s LDS and doesn’t say the B-word.

Er, um … neither do I. Except sometimes.

Obviously, my cussing policy is very similar to the Romney tweeting policy, which can basically be summed up as: Don’t get caught by the wrong people. Sorry if you’re reading this, Dad.

Of course, it’s been nine months since the campaign ended (nine months!!!), which is not only the correct amount of time to grow a human, but also apparently just about right for getting over a spectacular political loss. Not to mention a bunch of personal crap.

Since then I’ve been plodding along, keeping up with some news, doing some behind-the-scenes freelance writing for some candidates, and doing other very important things like learning how to curl my hair. Yes, I was 30 before I learned how to properly work a curling iron. Stop judging me. Judgey people are only allowed to visit between 2-4 pm on the sixth of never.

Anyway.

A couple of weeks ago I got a message from the lovely Christine, who knew me from being on with Chip and LaDonna once upon a time for the whole Victoria’s Secret hullabaloo. She’s now producing for Rick Amato’s new Internet TV show, and would I like to come on?

Rick and I go way back, like three years or longer! I’ve been on his radio show a handful of times, and we’ve spoken at some of the same Tea Party events.

Would I like to do a media appearance to comment on some current events from a conservative mommy blogger’s perspective? Um, yes.

All that to say … I’m back, bitches.

(Sorry Dad.)

So I was on a panel yesterday, Token Female Style, to discuss expatriates and gender-bender issues. I’ll post a clip when they get it archived.

Thoughts on Record Expatriatism

There’s this new law that’s killing Swiss bank accounts, because the U.S. is now demanding that all financial institutions report on American citizens’ bank activity — anywhere in the world. You know, so they can be sure to squeeze every last drop of blood out of people’s wallets in the name of taxes.

So people living and working abroad are denouncing their American citizenship in record numbers. The tax rate is capped in Hong Kong at 15 percent.

And liberals scratch their heads at this phenomenon, because paying taxes is supposed to be patriotic.

Meanwhile in California

Jerry Brown signed a law that says all students in public school grade K-12 get to pick their own gender. No really. It’s supposed to combat bullying, because if a little boy wears pigtails and a skirt, the bullying will supposedly stop if he’s allowed to use the girls’ bathroom.

*Insert eye roll here*

Actually, I don’t really care. I don’t have an opinion on raising little Johnny as little Joannie. You don’t tell me how to raise my kids, and I won’t tell you how to raise yours. Just keep ‘em healthy, happy, and reasonably under control in public please.

I think the real issue is going to come into play when Johnny/Joannie is 17 and wants to play basketball on the girls’ team. Boys are naturally better athletes than us women-folk, stuffed bra and close shave aside.

We were also going to talk about Bob Filner, but ran out of time. So I’ll just say he’s an ass. And I voted for Carl DeMaio.

Also I think it’s funny Hooters won’t serve him because he’s too big a boob even for them.

Sometimes the headlines write themselves.

Top 7 for the Week of June 29th

This week, Ashley and I talked about:

  1. Obamacare ObamaTax
  2. Eric Holder: Attorney General Fail
  3. Another Government’Backed Solar Company Bites the Dust
  4. DC Schools Prove Money Doesn’t Fix What’s Broke
  5. NAACP: Poor People Are Too Dumb To Make Their Own Choices
  6. Google Cookies Diss Your Privacy
  7. Food Stamps Are Fun! (And Make You Pretty)

Plus we have a rant, a Dude of the Week, and a dirty joke guaranteed to make you laugh.

Happy listening!

Listen to internet radio with Top 7 on Blog Talk Radio

Verbal Vomit on Supreme Court’s Obamacare Ruling

So the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act was ruled constitutional today, led by Chief Justice John Roberts, who sided with the libs on the bench. I mean, even wishy-washy Kennedy voted to strike down the individual mandate.

I was sleeping in a little this morning, because it’s summer and also because I stayed up too late watching Doctor Who on my ipad last night, when Leif came over and nudged me awake before he set off for work. He was so awesome and sweet and told me I was pretty and that he loved me. Then I realized what day it was. Obamacare Decision Day.

“Oh no! You know, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” He stroked my hair.

“It’s not good, is it?”

“Nope.” He gazed lovingly at me.

“Give it to me straight.”

“Constitutional. Roberts wrote the majority opinion.”

“Whaaaa….?”

“I know. They’re calling it a tax, and therefore Congress has the power to levy it.”

Gah.

So then I did what any chick that works in social media does and took to Twitter to voice my thoughts. Because do opinions matter if they’re not posted on a social networking site? Didn’t think so.

Here are my original tweets, with commentary added in the parentheses:

Ok. Reaction. 1-I feel like throwing up. Apparently it’s Constitutional to tax me for breathing. (It’s possible I was slightly hung over. But I did feel punched in the gut.)

2- WTF, Justice Roberts?? You are no longer my 3rd favorite. (Favorite is Scalia. Second is Thomas. Third is now up for grabs. Probably Alito.)

3- Roberts is a VERY smart man. What’s he playing? (Seriously, Justice Roberts – WTF?)

4- I think I’m going to be sick. (Again, possibly from that last glass of wine last night, but this Obamacare standing thing wasn’t helping.)

5- Well, this pretty much guarantees a President Romney, huh? (Le sigh.)

6- Aaaaaand I’m back to being sick. (Can I vote for Ann instead? I like her better. Sorry, Mitt.)

7- I’m going back to bed. *Pulls covers over her head*

Then I realized I had to get up and write and comment because if I don’t, I don’t get paid, and health care costs are about to skyrocket. And you know, personal responsibility and all that jazz.

So I officially turned in my two cents to The Stir, where I’m sure commenters will call me a racity racist for agreeing with the black man on the bench (Clarence Thomas, Second Favorite). I’m not quite sure how that works, but it seems that whenever the haters disagree with me about something I get called a racist. Get some better insults, people! Racist is so 2009.

Anyway, my friend Matt Cover (say Co-ver, not like the blanket) pointed out, “Roberts DOES NOT say that anything that looks like a tax is ok, only that this provision is a tax, and therefore ok.” Ok … I can see that. I still don’t like it.

I also read this from Erick Erickson (no relation), wherein he makes the case that, “While Roberts has expanded the taxation power, which I don’t really think is a massive expansion from what it was, Roberts has curtailed the commerce clause as an avenue for Congressional overreach. In so doing, he has affirmed the Democrats are massive taxers.”

They are massive taxers. And Obama ran on that whole “no tax increases for the middle class” thing. Not looking good for him this November. Or for other politicians that supported this behemoth of a bill without even reading the frickin’ thing.

Go donate to the Romney campaign. Seriously, use that link, because I get some sort of credit for referring you. Maybe I can win a stuffed seal like I did that time I sold 200 boxes of Girl Scout cookies in third grade!

And watch Ben Howe’s latest video featuring a compilation of Obama clips insisting that this is not a tax.

Unintended Consequences of Government Regulation

The Tan Tax

I haven’t tanned in years, because well, I just hadn’t thought much about it. I was in motherhood survival mode until last fall, and any precious childless minutes I had were spent working, keeping house, on a date with my husband, or reading Sookie Stackhouse novels. Tanning wasn’t exactly a priority.

Now that summer is fast (fast!) approaching, I decided to find a salon and just go. No judgment, you Judgey McJudgersons! We all have our vices, mmmkay? Anyway, I found a place near my house that looked great, so I checked it out. After meeting the people and touring the place, I decided to give it a go. Then came the forms.

“Do you understand you’re saturating your skin with UV light?”

Yes.

“Do you agree not to sue us if you get skin cancer and die?”

Yes. All bets are off if I burst into flames though.

“Do you agree to pay the 10% tax imposed by the PPACA, effective July 1, 2010?”

Um … I actually have to sign for that?

The girl at the counter entering my information pointed to it and said, “You can thank President Obama for that one.”

“Oh yeah, I know,” I said, “I work in politics, I know all about Obamacare.”

“Well, I don’t know if you are, but I’m not a fan.”

“Not even a little. Go Mitt Romney!”

“Better than Obama!”

“Let me guess, you’re the owner?”

“Yup.”

“Obviously.”

Then I finished the forms and got my tan on in the form of warm artificial light emitted into a space age looking tube while I wore weird goggles and tuned out to some willowy spa music. It was almost relaxing enough to forget about Obamacare, but it really irritated me that he raised taxes on tanning salons consumers who frequent a particular business.

Unintended Consequence of Taxing a Business: They pass along the cost to the consumer in order to make ends meet.

The Spare Tire Scam

I was flipping through AAA’s Westways magazine looking for some local daytrip ideas for the kiddos this summer when an article titled Where’s the Spare caught my eye. The article pointed out that 13% of 2011 model cars came with no spare tire, but with a ‘fix-it’ kit instead.

The kit contains a can of sealant and a small air compressor, and is completely useless in the case of sidewall punctures. If you have a tread puncture, you’ll be able to re-inflate and seal the tire, which will be good to drive on for about 25 miles before screwing you over. So good luck if you blow one in the middle of the desert or something.

Where have the spares gone? Is this a ploy from the car companies to cut costs and make themselves richer? Nope. According to the article:

To meet increasingly stringent government-mandated fuel-economy standards—an average of 34.1 mpg by 2016—automaker engineers sweat over removing mere ounces from vehicles. Losing 40 pounds of tire, wheel, and tools is a godsend toward that effort.

Unintended Consequence of Saving the Planet: Potentially stranding people in the middle of nowhere, where they may or may not have cell service to call for help.

Here’s the Thing

Just because something sounds like a good idea doesn’t mean that it is. Discouraging people to tan indoors might sound like a good idea to the pale ones, but it just hurts small businesses. Saving the environment by requiring cars to run on less gasoline sounds like a good idea to the tree huggers, but it results in the loss of a spare tire. What’s next – thinner metal that can more easily be ripped to shreds in an accident?

Or maybe we should all just sit inside our un-air-conditioned houses, yelling at TV about how everything is George Bush’s fault, leaving only to go buy organic lettuce with our EBT cards or to see the doctor (without ever seeing a bill). We’ll get there in our government-mandated Smart car, because it wouldn’t be fair to ‘smart’ drivers if big gnarly SUVs and trucks were on the road. They might squash them, plus, you know, pollution.

Oy, that sounds awful. Give me my UV tan, my spare tire, my soda, my salt, my AC, my freedom to make my own choices any day of the week.

No one is forcing anyone to give up his or her spare tire for better gas mileage. Oh wait … the government is.

Mr. Machete Espouses Republican Ideals … Then Bashes Republicans

Enjoying Balboa Park with Thing 1

Last Saturday, my mom and I took the girls to Balboa Park in celebration of Mother’s Day. We started the day at the farmer’s market, gathering yummies for a picnic lunch, then we went to the Titanic exhibit (Thing 2 declared, “Uh-oh, that boat broked!”), and capped off the trip with a stroll through the park to enjoy the street performers.

I love street performers. As a general rule, I never give money to beggars (sometimes a sack lunch, but not money), but to performers that have worked hard to perfect a craft that they use to entertain and delight people? I’m all for supporting that.

One performer caught our eye, so we wandered over. Dude was juggling machetes. It was pretty cool. Even cooler was when he hopped on a giant unicycle and juggled the massive knives some more, albeit a bit more cautiously this time. S’ok, Mr. Machete, you can juggle those giant sharp things as carefully as you like while riding the six-foot unicycle. I won’t judge.

While he was entertaining the crowd, he mentioned that he would be passing around a hat, and it would be nice if people contributed.

Let me interrupt myself for a minute to tell you that earlier in the performance, he had made a derogatory George Bush joke. It was not well received. He said, “Wow, I knew San Diego was a pretty conservative town, but George Bush! Come on!” More silence, to which he said, “It’s like I’m in Utah,” and moved on.

So he’s up on the unicycle, telling the crowd that it had always been his dream to do this, and our contributions were what made him able to do this, and that in America, anyone can have a dream and work hard and achieve their goals. Total Republican stuff.

As he juggled, the hat was passed, and he asked us to contribute what we could. “If you’re a Republican, put twenty dollars in and prove to me that trickle down economics works!” I was half-tempted to do so, and then ask for a ten back, because as a Democrat (I assume, since he was bagging on Republicans), he should totally be in favor of wealth redistribution, and I needed that ten to give to the beggar down the block.

People need to pay more attention to party platforms. Republicans want you to be able to work hard and keep as much of your money as you can. Democrats like to redistribute your wealth to cowboy poets and postmenopausal yoga classes.

Top 7 for the Week of April 13

This week, Ashley and I talked about:

  1. Texas Christian School Fires Pregnant, Unmarried Woman
  2. Ann Romney, The Non-Working Mother
  3. Viva Las Vegas with the Hangover Mobile
  4. North Korea Suffers Rocketile Dysfunction
  5. Class Warfare and ‘Demeaning’ Jobs
  6. Made in America: Cutting-Edge Warship Built in Maine
  7. Taxes! And Then More Taxes.

Plus we have a song, a rant, a dirty joke, and an amazing Dude of the Week.

Happy listening!

Listen to internet radio with Top 7 on Blog Talk Radio

Don’t Tax Kim Kardashian More Than Her Fair Share

Supporters of the Millionaires Tax of 2012 have put out a new video vilifying Kim Kardashian* for making too much money and not paying enough of it back in taxes. She made a cool $12 million in 2010, but only paid only 10.3% in California state taxes. That’s only one percent more than the average Californian.

So. Totally. Unfair.

“Don’t you think she could pay a little bit more?” The ad boldly asks in a chivalrous effort to stick it to the (wo)man and make a stand for the middle calss. The only problem is that the logic this ad uses isn’t based in reality. Kim Kardashian didn’t pay only a leetle bit more in taxes than the average Golden State resident, she paid a yacht-load more.

The average Californian paid $4,371. Kim K paid $1,236,000. She paid over 280 times what the commoners paid.

Now who’s not paying their fair share?

*Let me be clear, there are plenty of reasons to vilify this whiney prima donna, but the amount of money she makes isn’t one of them.

Top 7 for the Week of September 2, 2011

This week, Ashley and I talk about:

  1. College Football & American Craft Beer
  2. Obama’s Jobs Speech vs. GOP Debate
  3. Jobs vs. Bugs
  4. The Taxpayer Funded Strip Club
  5. Policing the Chicago Police
  6. Rapists Getting Paid by Taxpayers to Babysit
  7. The Texas Sonogram Law

Plus we have a rant, a dirty joke from Eli, and an awesome Dude of the Week!

Happy Listening!

Elsewhere On the Internet

If Thing 2 were here, she’d say, “I on dah airplane!” Because that’s where she would be. Isn’t technology cool? I’m zipping through the sky right now on my way home from the Red State Gathering in Charleston, SC, and I’m posting stuff on my blog. Wonders never cease.

Also? I’m easily amused.

So I wrote some schtuff last week, and I’ll love you forever if you read it all. Or at least I’ll feel amicably toward you. I may even give you a hug next time I see you. I’ll probably give you a hug anyway. I’m one of those people.

Why make laws if they’re not going to be enforced? Even more so, why make laws that only some people have to follow? Way no fair!

The United States’ credit rating got downgraded. Does it mater? Maybe.

30,000 college students in Michigan were on food stamps. And I’m sure none of them had cell phones. Gah.

And lastly, but certainly not leastly (apparently that’s not a word – oh well), Rick Perry formally announced his candidacy for President. Finally something exciting for the Republican primary field!

Happy reading!

Elsewhere on the Internet

It’s the weekly roundup! And it’s not even Wednesday night at midnight yet! Props to me, huh? Well, Thing 1 is in summer camp this week, so I’m getting a bit of relative peace with only Thing 2 and Furbaby climbing all over me. Yay! One hand free to type! It’s a Monday Miracle!

Anyway, I wrote some schtuff last week. And you should click on it, because my editors like traffic. Also because it’s interesting and informative.

Leave my stuffed-crust pizza alone! You know what never solves anything? A government program designed to save us from ourselves. That’s why I advocate against the so-called fat tax.

I also extrapolated why I don’t want my rich, fat cat boss to pay higher taxes: Because I like getting raises. Less capital leads to less investment leads to no bonus checks for a job well done. Boo!!

And I wrote about birth control and why the new “womyn’s health” mandate in Obamacare is dumb and doesn’t actually open up any valuable services to poor people.

Happy clicking reading!