Can’t the Fourth of July be the one day that we Americans can put aside our differences and just celebrate being American? We can go our partisan ways on the fifth, but come on, put away your squabbles and enjoy the hotdogs and fireworks, ok people?
But nooooo, Chris Rock and some other numbskulls had to take to twitter to say that America sucks, slavery once existed here, blah, blah, blah, genocide. Seriously on that last one. When, exactly, has America practiced genocide? Never, that’s when.
For everyone that thinks America sucks, why don’t you leave? Nothing’s stopping you. You could go to China, where they routinely strap pregnant women down and abort their third-trimester fetuses due to their insane one-child policy.
I hear Cuba is lovely this time of year. Good thing, because you won’t be watching TV. State police in Cuba will climb onto your roof to remove your satellite dish, because it’s illegal to pick up uncensored media from abroad.
Saudi Arabia might take you, but if you’re a woman, make sure you bring your husband, brother, or father with you, because outside of them, you have no rights. You can’t even drive a car.
Many of the countries in Africa practice female genital mutilation, mostly on little girls. 92 million girls in Africa ten years old and up have had their lady bits hacked at with a knife, with no anesthesia. Now that’s a real war on women.
But none of those atrocities could possibly compare with evil, racist America! Whatever. When America was founded, slavery was a worldwide accepted and ancient practice, and we led the western world in abolishing it within three generations. That’s something to be proud of, not ashamed.
America is awesome. It’s why people want to come here. It’s the best place to work, live, and play. Our cancer survival rates are higher than any other country. We have more toys, more rights, and more opportunities to excel than anywhere else. To say otherwise is a mistruth that dishonors the men and women that fought, and still fight today, for your freedom to say idiotic things.
So shut your mouth, grab a beer and thank whomever it is you praise that you don’t live in Yemen, because alcohol is prohibited there.