Thing 1′s preschool put on a Christmas program for family and friends on the night of December 1, 2006.  This is an account of that performance. She was three at the time.

6:30pm: Thing 1 and her family, including Mommy, Daddy, Gramma and Papa arrive at the location.

6:35pm: Thing 1 is whisked away “backstage” to prepare to dazzle her audience as the angel in the nativity scene.  Meanwhile, her family obtains fantastic seats in the second row.

6:40pm: Parents and other relatives, friends, well wishers, etc fill the seats.  People are crammed in the pews, standing in the back, up in the balcony…. this is a very full house!

7pm: 30 or so 2, 3 and 4 year olds march onto the stage.  In the center, surrounding a manger filled with straw, are Mary and Joseph (2 other kids in her class), 2 little boys playing shepards, and Thing 1 the angel.

7:05pm: The ooohhhhing and aaaahhhhing finally dies down.

7:06pm: Most of the kids break into a Christmas carol.  Joseph ditches Mary and goes to hug the angel.  Hmmm… I don’t remember this part of the story….

7:07pm: Thing 1 obviously tries to play her role straight, because she pushes Joseph away.  Joseph then pushes her too.  So, of course, she had to push a little harder so he’d get the idea.

7:07pm:  Joseph is knocked to the ground.

7:08pm:  Joseph is just fine, gets back up, and comes over to the manger with Thing 1.  That straw doesn’t look like it should be in there, so Joseph and the angel proceed to pull it out of there as Mary is trying to place the baby doll Jesus in it as the other kids sing “Away in a Manger.”

7:10pm: Thing 1 remembers she has pretend wings on, so she grabs them and flaps them, and twirls around the stage, “flying”.  Joseph chases her.

7:11pm: A teacher comes on stage, removes the angel’s wings, and pulls the nativity kids back into line with the rest of the singing kids.

7:12-7:20pm: A few more kids, dressed as things like a Christmas tree, a star, or the letters S-A-V-I-O-R come to center stage while more songs are sung.  Thing 1, however, manages to still steal the show by spending this time lifting her dress over head (showing off some gorgeous cartoon-covered panties to the 200 some people in the audience), jumping up and down, and spinning in circles-yes, all at the same time.

7:21pm: The prinicpal announces that the children will now join their families in the audience to view a picture slide show of their year so far.  Thing 1′s mommy and daddy turn beet red as she screams toward them and everyone figures out who the parents of that deranged child are.

A certain phrase comes to mind about trees and apples.

Merry Christmas!