Back to Political Commentary? Sure, Why Not?

Months and months ago, when I was going through the emotional throes of holy crap I think my marriage is over and what the eff am I supposed to do about that, a friend said to me, “Can you please make a decision so you can get back to snarky political commentary? In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s quite a bit going on.”

Whatever. The president said they were all phony scandals, so he must be right or I’m a racist. Pfffttt.

Last fall when I was on the Romney campaign, we weren’t really allowed to tweet. Well, we could but we couldn’t. Sometimes except certain times. Only if it was a good tweet, but not too good. Never on Tuesdays or after dark. Unless there was a debate. In other words, the tweeting policy was clear as mud.

Because nothing says Voter Engagement like reclusiveness.

I finally gave up trying after I was chastised for tweeting, “Lady smarts > lady parts.” Yes, I cried, because I’m a TOTAL PROFESSIONAL. Seriously though, if I couldn’t win with that tweet, then the whole thing just seemed hopeless. I should’ve known right then that we were going to lose.

Anyway, I was talking to Justin, one of my favorite friends in the Boston trenches with me about it, and said that once the campaign was over I wanted to go back to commentary. “I think my first tweet after the campaign shall be, ‘I’m back, bitches.’”

Then he blushed because he’s LDS and doesn’t say the B-word.

Er, um … neither do I. Except sometimes.

Obviously, my cussing policy is very similar to the Romney tweeting policy, which can basically be summed up as: Don’t get caught by the wrong people. Sorry if you’re reading this, Dad.

Of course, it’s been nine months since the campaign ended (nine months!!!), which is not only the correct amount of time to grow a human, but also apparently just about right for getting over a spectacular political loss. Not to mention a bunch of personal crap.

Since then I’ve been plodding along, keeping up with some news, doing some behind-the-scenes freelance writing for some candidates, and doing other very important things like learning how to curl my hair. Yes, I was 30 before I learned how to properly work a curling iron. Stop judging me. Judgey people are only allowed to visit between 2-4 pm on the sixth of never.

Anyway.

A couple of weeks ago I got a message from the lovely Christine, who knew me from being on with Chip and LaDonna once upon a time for the whole Victoria’s Secret hullabaloo. She’s now producing for Rick Amato’s new Internet TV show, and would I like to come on?

Rick and I go way back, like three years or longer! I’ve been on his radio show a handful of times, and we’ve spoken at some of the same Tea Party events.

Would I like to do a media appearance to comment on some current events from a conservative mommy blogger’s perspective? Um, yes.

All that to say … I’m back, bitches.

(Sorry Dad.)

So I was on a panel yesterday, Token Female Style, to discuss expatriates and gender-bender issues. I’ll post a clip when they get it archived.

Thoughts on Record Expatriatism

There’s this new law that’s killing Swiss bank accounts, because the U.S. is now demanding that all financial institutions report on American citizens’ bank activity — anywhere in the world. You know, so they can be sure to squeeze every last drop of blood out of people’s wallets in the name of taxes.

So people living and working abroad are denouncing their American citizenship in record numbers. The tax rate is capped in Hong Kong at 15 percent.

And liberals scratch their heads at this phenomenon, because paying taxes is supposed to be patriotic.

Meanwhile in California

Jerry Brown signed a law that says all students in public school grade K-12 get to pick their own gender. No really. It’s supposed to combat bullying, because if a little boy wears pigtails and a skirt, the bullying will supposedly stop if he’s allowed to use the girls’ bathroom.

*Insert eye roll here*

Actually, I don’t really care. I don’t have an opinion on raising little Johnny as little Joannie. You don’t tell me how to raise my kids, and I won’t tell you how to raise yours. Just keep ‘em healthy, happy, and reasonably under control in public please.

I think the real issue is going to come into play when Johnny/Joannie is 17 and wants to play basketball on the girls’ team. Boys are naturally better athletes than us women-folk, stuffed bra and close shave aside.

We were also going to talk about Bob Filner, but ran out of time. So I’ll just say he’s an ass. And I voted for Carl DeMaio.

Also I think it’s funny Hooters won’t serve him because he’s too big a boob even for them.

Sometimes the headlines write themselves.

I’m Playing the Lotto. Kinda.

Did you know that you can’t play Powerball in California? Seriously. I don’t know why, but I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that California has a lot of stupid rules.

Anyway. I’ve been hearing a lot about this today because the jackpot is up over 500 million bucks, and since I have “play the lotto” on my 30-List, I decided to play. I know I’m more likely to get eaten by a shark or struck by lightening or listen to an original Nickelback song than to win the lottery tonight, but it’s not about that. It’s just fun!

Since I can’t play myself, I asked a friend in another state to buy me a ticket with my numbers, and we’d split it if we won. I’m like, totally sure this won’t be an issue or affect our friendship whatsoever. Things like splitting tickets always go so smoothly for winners, right?

I’ve decided it’s fun to spend a couple of bucks for a shot at a half a billion dollar jackpot. I’m not spending my kids’ grocery money on a gambling habit, I’m allowing myself a bit of whimsy to get caught up in the moment and daydream about buying my own island and crowning myself the queen.

Who doesn’t like to daydream? Haters, that’s who.

If you don’t hear from me again, it means I’ve bought an island and have escaped to a hammock and a glass of wine. Hmm, maybe I’ll buy a vineyard.

Eavesdropping on Jenny & Ashley August 22, 2012

Ashley and I chatted about the weather, Amtrak, the California economy (real unemployment in the Golden State is over 20%), Akin and legitimate rape, ‘Oiho,’ Mormons and drinking, and of course nekkid Prince Harry in Vegas.

Listen to internet radio with Top 7 on Blog Talk Radio

Mr. Machete Espouses Republican Ideals … Then Bashes Republicans

Enjoying Balboa Park with Thing 1

Last Saturday, my mom and I took the girls to Balboa Park in celebration of Mother’s Day. We started the day at the farmer’s market, gathering yummies for a picnic lunch, then we went to the Titanic exhibit (Thing 2 declared, “Uh-oh, that boat broked!”), and capped off the trip with a stroll through the park to enjoy the street performers.

I love street performers. As a general rule, I never give money to beggars (sometimes a sack lunch, but not money), but to performers that have worked hard to perfect a craft that they use to entertain and delight people? I’m all for supporting that.

One performer caught our eye, so we wandered over. Dude was juggling machetes. It was pretty cool. Even cooler was when he hopped on a giant unicycle and juggled the massive knives some more, albeit a bit more cautiously this time. S’ok, Mr. Machete, you can juggle those giant sharp things as carefully as you like while riding the six-foot unicycle. I won’t judge.

While he was entertaining the crowd, he mentioned that he would be passing around a hat, and it would be nice if people contributed.

Let me interrupt myself for a minute to tell you that earlier in the performance, he had made a derogatory George Bush joke. It was not well received. He said, “Wow, I knew San Diego was a pretty conservative town, but George Bush! Come on!” More silence, to which he said, “It’s like I’m in Utah,” and moved on.

So he’s up on the unicycle, telling the crowd that it had always been his dream to do this, and our contributions were what made him able to do this, and that in America, anyone can have a dream and work hard and achieve their goals. Total Republican stuff.

As he juggled, the hat was passed, and he asked us to contribute what we could. “If you’re a Republican, put twenty dollars in and prove to me that trickle down economics works!” I was half-tempted to do so, and then ask for a ten back, because as a Democrat (I assume, since he was bagging on Republicans), he should totally be in favor of wealth redistribution, and I needed that ten to give to the beggar down the block.

People need to pay more attention to party platforms. Republicans want you to be able to work hard and keep as much of your money as you can. Democrats like to redistribute your wealth to cowboy poets and postmenopausal yoga classes.

The Grocery Store and Rock Star School

I went to the grocery store the other day with the kids, and because I’m me, I added a couple of bottles of wine to the cart. When we got to the checkout, Thing 1 asked if she could swipe my credit card for me.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s illegal.”

“Why?”

“Because California is crazy, and the store could get into trouble by selling wine to minors if you use my credit card, with me present, and my signature is on the receipt.”

The checker stared at me like I had three heads.

Then Thing 1 piped up, “I don’t care if California is crazy, I never ever want to leave. If you and Daddy want to move to Texas, then wait until I’m in college.”

“And just where do you want to go to college, Little Miss?” I asked her with a raised eyebrow at her teetering-on-insolent attitude.

She pondered it for a few seconds, and then thoughtfully replied, “I’m not sure … so long as I can learn to be a rock star.”

“You can start studying to be a rock star right now,” I replied, the mommy-wheels turning in my brain.

“Whaaat…?”

“Yup, as soon as we get home, you need to do your piano practice right away. All the best rock stars know how to play piano.”

“They do?”

“Yup.”

“I can’t wait to get home and practice my piano!”

The clerk burst out laughing, winked at me, and said, “Kudos!”

Then we went home, I poured a glass of wine, and Thing 1 practiced her piano for the first time without complaining in months.

God bless Rock Star School.

Not Inappropriate. Just Ridiculous. But I Do Know What I’m Talking About.

I love red hair, pink drinks, and sugared rims. I am what I am.

I live in the very small and very strange world of social media. Well, it’s giant in the sense that everyone and their dog is on Facebook and Twitter, Google is commonly used as a verb, and YouTube gets over two billion video views a day. But factor in the fact that I use social media professionally for politics, and that pool shrinks down to a shallow puddle.

That’s right. I talk about politics on the internet for a living. I’m by no means the 1% in terms of income, but I make enough money to pay the kids’ tuition, buy an occasional pair of cute shoes, and enough boxed wine from BevMo to keep me happy. What else does a girl need?

I am the 1% of bloggers that get paid to do this. Take that for what you will, but I am incredibly thrilled to be able to have a job that I love instead of one that I tolerate in order to keep up with our lifestyle choices. We’ve chosen to make a life in Southern California, send our daughters to private school, to tithe to our church, drive an SUV, and occasionally go on a date to a fancy restaurant.

It’s a choice, it takes two incomes, and I am thrilled with my life.

This past weekend I was in San Francisco, having been invited to speak to the California Republican Party about the virtues of embracing social media like blogs, Facebook, and especially Twitter. I’ve spoken to many grassroots groups in the past about this topic, and I was looking forward to sharing my perspective in a seminar targeted to CA GOP County Chairs.

While at the convention, I happened to overhear a comment questioning the appropriateness of my presence on a panel at a GOP event. *

Wait … what? How is it inappropriate for me to speak to GOP leaders about how to use social media to connect with the voters? I’m usually speaking to the grassroots voters, and they are hungry for their leadership to have an online presence. How could I not be the perfect person to talk to the leadership about utilizing awesome tools to get voters connected to and invested in races to get out the vote?

This is what I do. I *get* social media. As evidenced by the fact that people pay me for my expertise on the matter. Do I know everything about everything? No. Do I even know everything about internet antics? No. But I have worked long and hard, and mostly through trial and error, have figured out a lot about what works online and what doesn’t.

It is a joy and a pleasure to share my thoughts about what I have learned with the public. My goal, with everything I do in my professional, political life, is to advance conservatism, so that everyone may have the opportunity to dream big and touch the stars.  When an opportunity to speak to GOP leadership about effectively using social media to get the vote out came up, I jumped at it. Votes are what win elections, and conservative voters vote for conservative candidates, who then create laws that don’t undermine the free market, and block the passage of those that do.

I am obviously not an inappropriate choice to speak to the California GOP leadership.

Sure, anyone that’s followed me online for even just a little bit knows that I have a tendency toward ridiculousness. I’m an odd duck in many regards. I hate calling people. I sneak into the Lincoln Memorial at 1am. I write posts about legs. I dye my hair red on a whim. Heck, I even write posts comparing my bikini-clad body to the national deficit.

I share these stories with you because they amuse me, and I hope they make you laugh a little. I also share my tales of struggle with parenting and marriage and hormones, because being a mom and a wife and a chick shapes who I am. I’m not into the whole ‘present an image to world of someone who’s not really me’ thing. What’s the point of that anyway? No one is perfect, so why pretend?

Above all, I want to share my life as an encouragement to others. I want people to know that politics is not a scary, unapproachable subject, and even someone as ridiculous as I am can get a firm grasp of what is going on in our country.

Take it or leave it, love me or hate me, but please don’t insult my job skills. I may be ridiculous at times, but attempting to undermine my knowledge in the field I have chosen as my profession just makes you look bad.

*This is why I would never ever wish for telepathic abilities. I’m perfectly content to live in ignorant bliss of how some people may feel about me.

Top 7 for the Week of 1/13/2012

This week, Ashley and I talked about:

  1. California Crunchies at the Farmers’ Market
  2. So, You Want To Be an Iranian Scientist?
  3. The GOP’s Super PAC War
  4. The Supreme Court Sides with Religious School
  5. Marines Pee On Dead Terrorists (And This Is a Problem?)
  6. School Dress Codes … For Teachers
  7. Bacon = Cancer
We also have a rant, a dirty joke from Eli, our dude of the week, and we took our first live caller!
Happy listening!

Listen to internet radio with Top 7 on Blog Talk Radio

Don’t Tax Kim Kardashian More Than Her Fair Share

Supporters of the Millionaires Tax of 2012 have put out a new video vilifying Kim Kardashian* for making too much money and not paying enough of it back in taxes. She made a cool $12 million in 2010, but only paid only 10.3% in California state taxes. That’s only one percent more than the average Californian.

So. Totally. Unfair.

“Don’t you think she could pay a little bit more?” The ad boldly asks in a chivalrous effort to stick it to the (wo)man and make a stand for the middle calss. The only problem is that the logic this ad uses isn’t based in reality. Kim Kardashian didn’t pay only a leetle bit more in taxes than the average Golden State resident, she paid a yacht-load more.

The average Californian paid $4,371. Kim K paid $1,236,000. She paid over 280 times what the commoners paid.

Now who’s not paying their fair share?

*Let me be clear, there are plenty of reasons to vilify this whiney prima donna, but the amount of money she makes isn’t one of them.

Top 7 For the Week of October 14, 2011

This week, Ashley and I talk about:

  1. Occupy Wall Street’s Sanitation (or lack thereof)
  2. Obama’s Jobs Bill, Confusing Cloture, and Mainstream Media Fail
  3. Iranian Space Monkeys and Assassinators
  4. Crazy California Bans Open Carry of Unloaded Guns
  5. The DOJ Hotline for Alabama Immigration Policy
  6. Topeka Choses Skate Parks Over Prosecuting Domestic Violence
  7. Baseball (Or as I like to call it: Cute boys in tight pants)

Plus we have a rant, a dirty joke from Eli, and and awesome Dude of the Week.

Happy listening!

Listen to internet radio with Top 7 on Blog Talk Radio

Elsewhere On the Internet

I wrote some schtuff last week. It’s super important that you read it. Or at least click on the links, even if you never get around to reading it because a small person asked for an 87th sippy cup of juice, or your boss walked in and you’re supposed to, like, actually work and not mess around reading political commentary on the Internet. Because the people that hire me won’t know you didn’t read it, they’ll just see page views. Help a free-lancer out, people!

Apparently people are getting themselves killed by Mexican drug cartels using American firearms. The idea was to follow the guns to the big bad drug lords, but the operation has gotten completely out of hand. Skeery stuff.

In crazy San Francisco news, the city wants to make ex-cons a protected class of citizens. I’m reminded of that scene from Liar Liar when Jim Carey yells into the phone to one of his scummy clients wanting legal advice, “STOP BREAKING LAW, ASSHOLE!

Should obese children be removed from their homes and placed in foster care? I say no times a thousand. I love the first comment on this one: “Do you really have to make EVERY article about politics?” Um, yes. That’s what I do for a living.

I can even turn Glee into a political issue! I’m totally talented like that.

I was also on The Roger Hedgecock Show to talk about the debt ceiling. It was my first time on a nationally syndicated AM radio show, and I loved it. If you loved it too, tell your favorite radio host you’d like them to have me on. Seriously, if you demand, they’ll supply. I hope.

Have a great week!