It’s Just an Appliance … I Think.

I was in therapy recently when I thought to mention a particular incident that had happened in my life the day before. What does it mean? What is wrong with me? Why is this an issue?

All of those questions and more went through my head as I casually mentioned to my ‘feelings doctor’ (that’s what Thing 2 calls her therapist, because duh the girls are in therapy because your parents splitting up is a big freaking deal) that I had experienced total paralysis over a Keurig.

Background — I’d wanted a Keurig forever, or least forever since I first heard of them. Leif didn’t want one, for whatever reason. Something about quantity and quality. Anyway, I wanted one for a very long time, but couldn’t convince my husband to spend the money on one. A year and a half ago, my mom got me one for Christmas!! I was uber excited, especially because I love love love a morning cup of tea, am usually too groggy to make one the traditional way, and Earl Gray k-cups are the bomb.

Fast-forward 18 months or so, and Leif has ended up using the Keurig far more often than myself. No, I don’t know why he changed his mind about it. If I knew why and how he changed his mind about things … well … things might be different. But I don’t and they’re not.

When I left, I told him he could keep the Keurig because he’d ended up using it more than me.

However.

I have missed my magic pixies that make me tea in my mystical morning machine. A lot.

Which brings us to the morning last week when I was standing in my old kitchen, staring at my Keurig on the counter and wanting it but never daring to take it.

It’s mine!

But I promised him he could have it.

But he didn’t want it to begin with.

But I told him he could have it.

What if I changed my mind.

Well you can’t go back on your word.

Gah.

Anyway, I spent a good long time standing in my old kitchen wrestling with myself over whether or not to take my coffee machine that I had told my husband he could keep.

So I mentioned this whole thing to my therapist, and he asked why I didn’t just take it.

“I don’t want to make him mad!”

“Mad? How would he get mad?” (yes, therapists actually ask these kinds of things. The good ones know when to ask them.)

“He’d be upset.”

“If you took the coffee maker?”

“Yes.”

“What else have you done recently that might upset him?”

“… I … uh … left him.”

“… So in the grand scheme of things, how does leaving your husband and taking the coffee machine compare? Because I’d sure as heck rather my wife take the coffee machine than leave me.”

Well when you put it that way … (There was actually a lot more back and forth over this issue — I’m paraphrasing so as not to bore you.)

So a few days later, I gathered my gumption, got over my fear of being viewed as the biatch that not only left him but took the Keurig too, and I asked him if I could have custody of it. And my All-Clad pots and pans. I wanted those too, and if I was asking for stuff, I might as well.

He said of course I could. Anything.

It was another few days before I got around to his house, and the pots and pans had been set out on the dining table. Next to them was the Keurig, all boxed up and ready to go.

Huh. I didn’t even remember that we’d kept the box. Weird.

I went to the kitchen to refill my water, and the Keurig was sitting on the counter. Eyes back to the box in the dining room. Back again to the appliance on the counter. What the … ? Crap. I was going to have to call him.

“Did you buy me a new Keurig?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you. That was very nice.”

“You can have the old one for sentimentality if you want, but it’s up to you.”

“I’ll take the new one. That was kind. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

So the dude bought me a new Keurig, which then of course brought up all of these new questions like — what the hell? I could’ve just bought a new Keurig. We don’t have the money for a new Keurig. Why couldn’t he just sacrifice the Keurig for me? Why does he always insist on his own way?

Then I remembered that ‘we’ don’t have money anymore. We’re legally separated, which means that he has his money, and I have my money. Well, he pays support, so technically it was his money, but you know what I mean. And the dude bought me a Keurig, when he could have given me mine and kept the new one for himself.

I mean, it’s not like we’re getting back together or anything, but I think it shows that he cares. And that could be a rekindling of a friendship.

How did a countertop appliance all of a sudden take on such significance?

I swear I’m living in Bizarro World.

Comments

  1. I do not know you, and I know that you do not know me. I know that we will never meet, because I am leaving soon to serve God in another country. If we do not meet on this earth, I earnestly pray that we at least meet in Heaven. I sincerely hope that you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ.

    Except for what I am reading here, I know nothing about you and your current hardships and your life. It grieves me to see you in such pain from what I have read here. However, there is hope.

    Hope that is everlasting.

    God has provided for us answers to every problem in our lives. The Bible is sufficient for our needs. No words you receive from earthly counsel will satisfy you as that of the words found in the Living Word of God.

    I strongly urge you to be in His Word daily and let it change you. Start in the book of John if you do not know where to start. Read it over and over again until you understand it.

    I am praying for you earnestly.

    He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalms 147:3 ESV)

    Whatever hurt you believe you have suffered, God can heal it. However, you need to be willing for Him to heal it His way. After all, He truly is the Great Physician.

    • Tanisha Davis says:

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  2. I told him he could keep the Keurig

    and once you did that, it became _his_, not yours – so all this obsessing over “my” Keurig was about stealing something that you had no right to.

    Why couldn’t he just sacrifice the Keurig for me? Why does he always insist on his own way?

    The guy does something incredibly kind for a woman who’d ripped his heart out, detonated his family, and sent his daughters into therapy – and you play the “How dare he not read my mind” and “I’ve been manipulated” cards?

    I swear I’m living in Bizarro World.

    and it’s completely one of your own creation.

  3. Your hamster is very impressive. You feed it nonstop all day every day.

  4. Your ex-husband is an excellent provider. You better run back to him as fast as you can.

  5. Woodcreekguy says:

    “… So in the grand scheme of things, how does leaving your husband and taking the coffee machine compare? Because I’d sure as heck rather my wife take the coffee machine than leave me.”

    In your case you wanted to do both. Pretty damn low. Good luck as an overweight single mom if two.

  6. ““… So in the grand scheme of things, how does leaving your husband and taking the coffee machine compare? Because I’d sure as heck rather my wife take the coffee machine than leave me.”

    Well when you put it that way … ”

    i love how you totally miss the point. the therapist was telling you not to leave your husband but you are such a selfish gold-digging selfish monster all you focused on was greedily getting another object out of him.

  7. ProudFather says:

    Okay Jenny…
    Is this whole divorce thing just an extended April Fools joke?
    I ask because, if you are serious in all this, it sure is hard to view you as anything besides a dime a dozen self centered biatch that is character sketched from some template used by a hack rom-com writer!
    The fact that you can’t see that this whole Keurig story makes you look REALLY BAD does not bode well for you. Combine it with the fact that you just NUKED your family and didn’t even have the decency to discuss it with your (now-ex) husband, makes you look exactly like a “biatch” (your words.)
    So I have one question for you: are you even capable of the smallest amount of CONSCIENCE and/or SELF-REFLECTION? It sure doesn’t seem like you do. God have mercy on your soul,

  8. You’re a bitch.

  9. Total prostitute hiding behind bible verses, you are going straight to hell no doubt about that.

  10. Jenny, you really are a cunt.

  11. Wow. Jenny, you just keep getting funnier. Almost everyday someone points out a new ridiculous post on here. You’re one of the most accidentally hilarious things in the world.

  12. jesus crust says:

    this makes me sick to my stomach.

  13. It’s actually really degrading and insulting that you call yourself a woman of God.

  14. Tanisha Davis says:

    Dr Malawi is like a father to the fatherless.. i never believed these will really make a change in my marriage, and i never have it in my thought that i could ever been with my husband Mr Devis after divorcing and ending our 33 years marriage…. My life was upset i never knew where to start from when my husband broke up with me….. My name is Tanisha Devis from Poland but got married and live in Chicago USA, meiismcenter@gmail.com is the right email address to contact for an urgent help in getting your lover back…. My husband and I have been together for 33 years before he divorced me and i was so upset because i thought i have lost my marriage forever… i did all i could to please for my husband to bring me back home but all to be in vain.. i had to travel away from my state because i was not having anywhere to stay because my home was not conducive for me to stay because my husband want me out of the house, i travel to a friend of mine in California, one night, when i was searching on a good spell caster results that help in bringing back lost lover’s and husband’s, i found an interesting story that was shared by Santana Valdez From Texas Huston, about a good spell caster called Dr Malawi,and how he helped her in getting her husband back home, and i decided to put a try in contacting him… he replied me back.. i thought at first these was just normal and he told me that i was going to get back my husband after a period of 28 hours i still doubted him…. But today as i am sharing these good news is for me to express my experience to all the whole universe that these is a good spell caster that helps in bringing back lost lovers and he is (meiismcenter@gmail.com) I am happily with my husband and my 3 kids, TARRY, WENDY, JEFF… great Malawi i thank you for helping me to get my family back…. his email address is (meiismcenter@gmail.com)

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  16. Graham Martin says:

    my God, you’re a bitch

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