So … I Went to Mormon Church.

There's a basketball court in there. No joke.

I figured what with a Mormon on his way to the White House and all, it might be an interesting and hopefully insightful experience to visit a worship service at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. So I did what I usually do when I have a Mormon-y question, and asked Justin to take me.

So last Sunday we set out for an LDS sacrament meeting. That’s apparently what it’s called – not worship service. No big, just vernacular so far.

Mormons are nice, y’all. I know we’re not supposed to lump groups of people together and label them, but I’ve never come across a not-nice Mormon. Like most religions, there’s a good mix of young, old, white, black (and everything in between), tall, short, fat, thin, smart and not so smart … but they’re all freaking nice.

Oh, and they have a lot of kids, too. You have heard about the five Romney boys and the 18 Romney grandkids, right? It’s a stereotype for a reason, people.

Since Mormons are so nice, I met several people before the service meeting even started. A lot of college and grad students at the Cambridge ward (I think that’s the word for congregation?) in Massachusetts.

Before I forget, I’ll add a side note: While we walking to church, we passed a Starbucks and decided we were hungry. Neither of us had coffee. Justin had apple cider or something because Mormons don’t drink coffee, and I had my usual chai tea latte – no wait – I had a skinny salted caramel mocha. Never mind. I was going to say I was well on my way to the full Mormon experience of no coffee, but no. Move along, nothing to see here …

Photographic Evidence

Back to the church part – I met lots of nice people. The sanctuary (meeting room?) had pews a lot like ours. There was a big indoor basketball court in the middle of the building. Justin told me every ward (stake? Which one is the building and which one is the congregation?) has one.

The meeting was called to order, there was a prayer, and we sang a song out of the hymnal. I was pleased to discover it was just as abysmal as some of the ones in our Psalter. Loooong and in a key no one but Justin and a couple others could hit. Dude can sing. I mouthed the words. Everyone there silently thanked me without knowing it.

Then there was communion. I had asked ahead on the procedure for that, because at my church, you have to get permission from the elders before service if you’re not a member. In the United Reformed Church, you may only take communion if you’re a member of a gospel-preaching church and under the spiritual care of church leadership. Some churches leave this up to the individual’s conscience, but our particular congregation asks you to talk to someone first.

Anyway, Justin had said it was fine, but I felt weird about it because it’s such a sacred thing at our church, so I passed. But I’ll tell you about it anyway, because if you’ve read this far, you’re probably as fascinated by the LDS church as I am and are dying to know more.

First- the kids take communion. Justin says it doesn’t mean anything until they’re eight and baptized. All Mormons get baptized at eight in the way that babies are baptized in Calvinism and Baptists when they make a profession of faith. I got to go to a Mormon baptism once when one of Thing 1’s friends invited us to attend hers, and it was super cool. Maybe I’ll tell you about it some time.

Second- they passed it around and everyone sat in their seats and partook immediately rather than waiting and doing it together as a congregation.

Third- most, if not all reformed churches I’ve been to offer grape juice as an alternative to the wine. I figured that would be the case. Nope! It was water. Jesus turned the water to wine and the Mormons turned it back again. Go figure.

After communion, there were three “talks” that definitely weren’t sermons. And two of them were given by WOMEN. Soooooo weird for me to see women up at the podium, addressing the congregation at a Sunday worship service sacrament meeting. That does not happen in the URC. Not even a little bit.

Now let’s discuss these talks, mmmkay? They were really great. Super motivational, well thought out, and I thoroughly enjoyed them. Totally not sermons. “When do you do exegesis??” I whispered to Justin.

“Exe-what-us?”

“Exegesis! When the pastor takes a section of scripture and interprets it…”

Totally forgot that Mormons don’t have pastors in the way that evangelicals think of pastors. We only stayed for the first hour, and apparently Sunday School is where scripture study comes in, so I may have to go back sometime just to see what it’s like.

The other thing about the talks: I felt kinda like I was at a motivational conference. I wanted to clap for the speakers when they were finished, and I half expected them to take a bow. Like I said, they were definitely not sermons in the sense that I think of them.

Overall, I’m glad I went. Justin likes to tease me that he’ll make a Mormon out of me yet. That’s usually right before I punch him in the neck and tell him I’d get kicked out so fast it would be the shortest-lived Mormon membership in LDS history. I don’t know if y’all know this, but I really enjoy wine. Plus that whole continuing revelation thing that I don’t believe in.

I might will never be a Mormon. But they’re not scary. They don’t worship weird things, they don’t judge others (as a group, at least … I can’t account for every individual church member), and they are welcoming and friendly. They’re family oriented, but don’t disallow divorce. They honor mothers that stay home with the kids and the ones that work outside the home with equal regard.

They’re good people, y’all.

I gotta say one more thing before I leave this subject alone for the moment: MORMONISM IS NOT A CULT. I’d encourage anyone considering not voting for Mitt Romney because of his Mormon faith to go check out an LDS service meeting.

And try not to be as ginormous a dork as me telling everyone, “This is my first time!”

Oh, and if you ever want to check out a reformed church to see what my typical Sunday morning consists of, drop me a line and I’ll find you one in your area. We serve wine for communion. Just saying.

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    My name is Mr. JOHN ALEX, I am 33 years old and I based in Canada. I want to notify the general public how I was helped by Illuminati temple in regaining back my business position after been sacked for about a year and six months. I have been in pains and trouble since when I was sacked from the company where I work called Canada Deposit Insurance corporation in Ottawa (headquarter) in Canada as an agency executive. I have been hopeless, financially down through out that year. But one day as I was browsing through the Internet I came across the post of Mr. John an Illuminati agent saying you can be famous, rich and successful in life by been a member of the great Illuminati Brotherhood, immediately I contacted him and I explained everything to him and he recommended me and he helped me by initiating me to the Great Illuminati Brotherhood and also he gave me all the guidelines and told me their place of worship. With the help of Mr. John I was able to go to the temple and there I was initiated fully as a complete Illuminati member. Surprisingly 40 hours after I was initiated, I receive a call from the company that I have been accepted back again as the agency executive of the company at first I was shocked and surprised but latter regain myself, I was told to resume work the next day by 7:00am. Starting from that day I and my family had been living a joyful and a luxurious life. So viewers who are interested in becoming a member of the Illuminati Brotherhood and also wants to be famous, rich, wealthy and gain power should peacefully contact Mr. John on his email address on (illuminatibloodmoney88@gmail.com) or you can as well call him on +2349060961651 or add him up on whatsapp on +2349060961651) . Be a member of the great Illuminati Brotherhood and achieve all your heart desire and accomplish your dreams. Thanks to the Great Illuminati Brotherhood….

  23. Hello everyone here, I am Agent Paul one of the agents sent by the high LUCIFER to bring as many of those who are interested in becoming a member of the Illuminati to the great Illuminati temple, Do you want to be a member of Illuminati as a brotherhood that will make you rich and famous in the world and have power to control people in the high place in the worldwide .Are you a business man or woman,artist, political, musician, student, do you want to be rich, famous, powerful in life, join the House of Illuminati riches today and get instant rich sum of.$ 2 million dollars in a week, and a free home. i Am a business man I own construction companies all over the world but I was once like you I could not even feed my family what kind of life was that to live, I lived in poverty until I saw an opportunity to be a member of the great House of illuminati riches and I took my chances and I have been a member for the past 28 years now and the higher you get the richer you become. Illuminati makes your business grow these and many more other benefits. If you are serious and ready to become a member Email us agentpaulilluminati@gmail.com) or call us +2349033497969 also on whatsapp too have a nice day

  24. Austin George says:

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    5.One year Golf Membership package
    6.A V.I.P treatment in all Airports in the World
    7.A total Lifestyle change
    8.Access to Bohemian Grove
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  25. illuminati says:

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  26. Margaret says:

    HELLO EVERYONE I WAS BROWSING THE INTERNET AND I SAW A LOT OF WRONG POST
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    YOUR WEALTH IS GUARANTEE, YOU WILL BE PROTECTED, FAME, POWER INFLUENCE
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    ILLUMINATI MEMBER IS A PERSONAL DECISION, THE SOCIETY DON’T FORCE OR BEG
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  27. ?ILLUMINATI?*666?POST ONLINE?
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  28. My name is Mrs. Mary Johnson I am 33 years old and I based in Canada. I want to notify the general public how I was helped by Illuminati temple in regaining back my business position after been sacked for about a year and six months. I have been in pains and trouble since when I was sacked from the company where I work called Canada Deposit Insurance corporation in Ottawa (headquarter) in Canada as an agency executive. I have been hopeless, financially down through out that year. But one day as I was browsing through the Internet I came across the post of Mr. walter an Illuminati agent saying you can be famous, rich and successful in life by been a member of the great Illuminati Brotherhood, immediately I contacted him and I explained everything to him and he recommended me and he helped me by initiating me to the Great Illuminati Brotherhood and also he gave me all the guidelines and told me their place of worship. With the help of Mr. walter I was able to go to the temple and there I was initiated fully as a complete Illuminati member. Surprisingly 40 hours after I was initiated, I receive a call from the company that I have been accepted back again as the agency executive of the company at first I was shocked and surprised but latter regain myself, I was told to resume work the next day by 7:00am. Starting from that day I and my family had been living a joyful and a luxurious life. So viewers who are interested in becoming a member of the Illuminati Brotherhood and also wants to whatsapp and contact he via this number +2349060578430 or email us via walteralex195@gmail.com

  29. HOW TO JOIN THE GREAT ILLUINATI GROUP
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  30. Dear dedicated believers of the light, this is the most important time of this our great journey because day by day we continue to get closer to the main GATE, it is a pity that many don’t have patience that has pushed them to go the wrong ways, do know that a patient dog always eat the fastest bone, today The Illuminati organization has came with this great step to recognize our presents by giving us this authentic certificate, a certificate of recognition as Oath that we are for the advancement of the humanity as a direct link and support to this great family towards this objective, we have to be wise because no body knows what will come after this Authentic Illuminati Certificate, and something in me is telling me that this is the beginning of the count downs, please do not be left out of this great chance, reserve your copy and know that anything can happen at anytime as we are having a surprise giving family, thanks to The Illuminati organization for giving us a very strong hope with this certificate, thank you, while my loyalty remains untouchable. contact us via email via Frankmashal27@gmail.com or through whatsapp@+2348168141347

  31. My name is sarah I want to give a testimony about a great illuminate member that made me to be who I am today at first I taught he was a scam but letter he told me that I should go and purchase some items that. Will cost me $260 and I was like saying this man is a scam but he encouraged me to purchase the items and he also said that it was for my own good and I really send him the money and the next day he send me my pot of money and some parcel look at me now am very rich and famous if you want to be rich you can get in touch with him on whatsapp number+2349053294526 or EMAILL {EHISOJOKU@HOTMAIL.COM}.

  32. Williams Paul says:

    Attention to you all,i’m agent williams paul from UK,i’m one of
    the twelve selected agent sent by the grand-master to
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    identify with the head-quarter number and the email I will
    drop here also,you are not allowed to contact us on
    facebook because will the real agent are not allowed to
    chat with you on facebook that is why you are ask to
    contact us in email or call,those that you will contact on
    facebook are not real and if you contact them they will not
    be able to help because they are not one of us,please be
    wear that you are not allowed to contact any agent on
    facebook,if you are willing to join email us
    illuminatipowerorganisation@gmail.com or call not on
    facebook by e-mail; or call or on whatsapp
    +2347082119261 for more information and to no if you
    contact a real member please call our head-office on
    (+447031977835) be ware of scam……

  33. illuminati godfather says:


    Are you frustrated in life. What type of wealth do you want? Today the lucifer has order us to bring member to his kingdom. Are you tired of poverty and now you want fame,power and riches.Our magical powers are beyond your imagination. we could do magic on your behalf regarding, your financial situation, future events, or whatever is important to you. we have the power and we use the power. we are illuminati, and we could change the course of destiny. Get to us and we shall help you. Tell us what it is you want and we shall go about our work. Is it someone or something you desire to have? Do you want wealth(Want to grow your bank account?, Need funds to enjoy the good life? Tired of working hard and getting know where?) or happiness? the most power society welcomes you to illuminati.. contact illuminati initiation home Send us your most important desire and we shall work our powers in your favor. When filling out the online order form, be sure to tell illuminati what you want!. Contact me Via email: illuminategodfather@gmail.com call me on +1828-357-6279 or Whatssap me on +254736777103 as soon as possible okay.

    BENEFITS GIVEN TO NEW MEMBERS WHO JOIN ILLUMINATI.
    1.A Cash Reward of USD $500,000 USD.
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    3.A Dream House bought in the country of your own choice.
    4.One Month holiday (fully paid) to your dream tourist destination.
    5.One year Golf Membership package.
    6.A V.I.P treatment in all Airports in the World.
    7.A total Lifestyle change.
    8.Access to Bohemian Grove.
    9.Monthly payment of $1,000,000 USD into your bank account every month as a member
    10.One Month booked Appointment with Top 5 world Leaders and Top 5 Celebrities in the World.

  34. louis pedro says:

    My name is Mr. Louis I am 42 years old and I based in usa. I want to notify the general public how I was helped by Illuminati temple in regaining back my business position after been sacked for about a year and six months. I have been in pains and trouble since when I was sacked from the company where I work called usa Insurance corporation in usa (headquarter) in turkey as an agency executive. I have been hopeless, financially down through out that year. But one day as I was browsing through the Internet I came across the post of Dr. David Williams an Illuminati agent saying you can be famous, rich and successful in life by been a member of the great Illuminati Brotherhood, immediately I contacted him and I explained everything to him and he recommended me and he helped me by initiating me to the Great Illuminati Brotherhood and also he gave me all the guidelines and told me their place of worship. With the help of Dr. David Williams I was able to go to the temple and there I was initiated fully as a complete Illuminati member.And they ask me what i want and i told them i want to be called back to my place of work and also to be promoted, Surprisingly 40 hours after I was initiated, I receive a call from the company that I have been accepted back again as the new agency executive director of the company at first I was shocked and surprised but latter regain myself, I was told to resume work the next day by 7:00am. Starting from that day I and my family had been living a joyful and a luxurious life.i was also given a sum of $10,000,000 So viewers who are interested in becoming a member of the Illuminati Brotherhood and also wants to be famous, rich, wealthy and gain power should peacefully contact Dr. David Williams on his email address on illuminatibrotherhood704@gmail.com or call +393510837200 Be a member of the great Illuminati Brotherhood and achieve all your heart desire and accomplish your dreams. Thanks to the Great Illuminati Brotherhood…

  35. jude williams says:

    Illuminati secret brotherhood . Are you a student, businessmen and women, footballer, pastor, singer,entertainer, presenter, governors, president, lecture and you want to be known all over the world and to become rich, famous and powerful or you want to have power to protect your family and your wealth kindly join the great Illuminati family ( CHURCH OF LORD LUCIFER ) to achieve all your heart wishes add us on whatsapp on +2348172660745 under the conditions, you must be 18yrs and above to make your clear decision.whatsapp us on +2348172660745 add us on this gmail (williamsjude05@gmail.com)

  36. I’m glad that it turned out so effectively and I hope it will continue in the future because it is so worthwhile and meaningful to the community.

  37. david martial says:

    Hello viewers, it is unfortunate that our secret fraternity have become
    what most people now use as there aim of getting money, I would say sorry
    to those who have falling to the once who claim of being an agent of our
    secret fraternity called Illuminati, any Illuminati member who doesn’t show
    you his or her identity card is a fake and besides avoid those claiming a
    real agent on facebook there is no real agent on facebook due to the issue
    of fraudulent. The Illuminati is mainly from Egypt and Kenya, and note that
    our present head office is now in USA, it is no longer in UK again due to
    the fraudulent that are now existing there. there are only five agent which
    was recently send to Nigeria to establish the church of Lucifer over here.
    And the other thing is that we the real Illuminati are scarce and very hard
    to identify , you can only identify us with our email address and our head
    office cellphone number which is +14326142917 and our email ID which
    normally include “666” on it, and please for those who haven’t yet be
    scammed and are willing to join, please be careful cos there are alot of
    fraudsters and so many imposter now who claims they are real. So now I will
    want those who are interested to hit this email address:
    MRUNITEPETERILLUMINATE666@GMAIL.COM for the link on how to join our
    fraternity or hit us a message on our whatsapp with this number
    +2348124752454 for quick conversation on how to start. And there are still
    alot of fraudsters on whatsapp now and please you shouldn’t add anyone on
    facebook or email any how, make sure you are terrified with it before you
    make any attempt, so be careful and also please beware of fraudsters..

  38. Roberta Andrew says:

    If you’re lucky enough to read this, be rest assured that your life is in for a major upgrade and turn around that will leave your peers, colleagues, and family members astounded and amazed by your incredible success story. Ladies and gents I present to you the genuine ILLUMINATI BROTHERHOOD. If you’re fed up with the current situation in your life and are prepared to take a major leap of faith with us I assure you that you will not be disappointed. Kindly contact: whatsapp agent on mobile +2348036148428 or text me direct via viber
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    Join today and meet up with your financial expectations.

  39. james emmanuel says:

    I’M james emmanuel In all my life I never believe that the brotherhood or illuminati is real after I was scammed by one agent in Kenya.. I never wanted to join again it was 2 months Ago I saw Mr akhigbe herry posted on Facebook… I just give it a try… It was real… A big thanks to Mr akhigbe herry and the brotherhood management… The only paalyment I was ask to pay was payment for my Memberships File and Reference Number Compilation.. That’s was all and after payment I was asked to wait for 7days… 7days after I was so surprised they really came to pick me over to the awarding ceremony… And am back from the awarding ceremony… I was given a benefit of $90,000 US dollars, a brand new Car and a house…. Brothers and sisters Mr akhigbe herry is forever real, he will help you so fast. thanks and hail illuminati forever… Here is Mr akhigbe herry whatsapp contact I use in chatting with him +2349066901401 and his Email Address: Illuminatitempleofriches327@gmail.com

  40. james emmanuel says:

    I’M james emmanuel In all my life I never believe that the brotherhood or illuminati is real after I was scammed by one agent in Kenya.. I never wanted to join again it was 2 months Ago I saw Mr akhigbe herry posted on Facebook… I just give it a try… It was real… A big thanks to Mr akhigbe herry and the brotherhood management… The only paalyment I was ask to pay was payment for my Memberships File and Reference Number Compilation.. That’s was all and after payment I was asked to wait for 7days… 7days after I was so surprised they really came to pick me over to the awarding ceremony… And am back from the awarding ceremony… I was given a benefit of $90,000 US dollars, a brand new Car and a house…. Brothers and sisters Mr akhigbe herry is forever real, he will help you so fast. thanks and hail illuminati forever… Here is Mr akhigbe herry whatsapp contact I use in chatting with him +2349066901401 and his Email Address: Illuminatitempleofriches327@gmail.com
    //

  41. newton mathew says:

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  42. mr john says:

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